A Siriusly Deranged Wanker
by xoxo-dEfYiNg gRaViTy-xoxo
Summary: Sirius Black is a siriusly deranged wanker. Who gets to be his partner all year? No other than me, Christina Jones. Spending the year with said wanker is no walk in the park. Even if the park has quite a nice view...Summary makes no sence, give it a try.


**CHRISTINA'S JOURNAL**

Hello. I'm Christina. Christina Jones. 6th year Gryffindor, pleased to meet you. Let me fill you in on the guy that takes up half of my thoughts. No he's not my boyfriend, nor will he ever be to clear that up.

Sirius Orion Black.

Sigh.

The boy is a deranged wanker.

I've come to this realization about 5 minutes ago.

How many times do you have to slap a boy in the face for him to get that I will never go out with him? Hmm?

According to Alice's list, 47.

And that is just this year.

Now where does the 'deranged wanker' bit come in?

I dunno…everywhere?!

He's a nutter. He plays pranks, I roll my eyes. He asks me out, I say no. He asks me out again, laughing quite maniacally as I start to get angry with another no. Except this time more of a 'no' with two tones in an annoyed fashion. Then he decides to take my hand and ask me out _again_. This time, I decide to slap him and yell an infuriated NO!

Then he just chuckles and skips out of the common room saying something along the lines of "someday Jones, someday…"

He bloody _skips_. The Gryffindor beater/sex god _skipping._

This is the work of some sort of drug.

He is on something and I am going to find out what it is.

After breakfast.

By the way this will probably be the first and last time I will write in you so…yea. I am vowing to you and myself that I will never, ever, ever, ever ever ever! Date Sirius Black.

Get it? Got it? Good.

Good bye dear journal for you are going into the dark abyss of what I like to call 'under my bed.'

Love, Christina

* * *

"Hey Black." I said reaching for the bacon. 

"What?" Sirius responded mouth full of pancakes.

"What are you on?"

Okay I lied. It's technically not after breakfast. But I had food in front of me so it counts.

He swallowed, choking a bit.

I laughed at this.

He holds up a finger saying, _Hold on, you made me choke you idiot._

I laughed again.

Finally, he decided to respond after drinking a bit of OJ.

"Excuse me?"

"Brilliant response Sirius. How do you do it? I asked you what you were on. Unless you aren't on anything. That would mean you're naturally a deranged wanker. That makes me laugh. Okay going to Muggle Studies, see you there, bye."

With that, I shoved a piece of toast between my teeth along with some bacon and grabbed my messenger bag, which let me tell you, weighs a ton.

Off to Muggle Studies.

Guess what means of locomotive I used?

_Skipping_.

I swear that boy is in trouble because I _do not_ skip. This is his doing. It pisses me off.

So after realizing I was skipping, I came to a screeching halt resulting in my messenger bag pulling me backwards into…

DAMN IT! THE BLOODY PRICK WAS FOLLOWING ME!

Next thing I know I will find him under my bed.

It's _madness_!

"_God_, Sirius. Why are you following me?! I will never go out with you! Get it through your thick skull!"

"Well technically I wasn't following you. Because: One, I have Muggle Studies _with_ you hence 'see you there.' And B, you forgot your essay you copied off Remus in the common room and I figured you needed it at the beginning of class."

"Right. Thanks." Well that was embarrassing.

Embarrassment quickly changed to annoyance.

"Black there are _50_ bloody seats in this classroom. Pick another."

"Tut tut. Jones, you know the rules, no saving seats." He said plopping down in the seat next to me.

This day can't get too much worse.

"…and these seats are permanent for the rest of the year. Meet your Muggle Studies partner for the year. This brings me to the next topic of discussion, your long term project. The person next to you will be your husband/wife for the next couple of months."

Okay this day can't get much worse….starting now.

**A/N: New story. Like it? Hate it? Let me know and REVIEW! Thankssomuch.**


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